Dealing with Helicopter Parents in College


September 8, 2011
by Kayla Herrera

When I first left for college, my mother called me every single day for the entire fall semester and half of spring semester. I understood why (I was the first child to ever leave) but when I had issues with the campus newspaper, my parents tried to butt in and fight my arguments for me...from six hours away. Now, as a fourth-year college student, I’m still hearing that I need to get my life together, to stop living day to day and plan the future, to date someone else, to move to a different apartment, et cetera. In the course of four years, nothing has changed.

When I first left for college, my mother called me every single day for the entire fall semester and half of spring semester. I understood why (I was the first child to ever leave) but when I had issues with the campus newspaper, my parents tried to butt in and fight my arguments for me...from six hours away. Now, as a fourth-year college student, I’m still hearing that I need to get my life together, to stop living day to day and plan the future, to date someone else, to move to a different apartment, et cetera. In the course of four years, nothing has changed.

How do you even begin to deal with helicopter parents like these? The first thing I would recommend is sit them down and talk to them in person. If you can’t find a time over break, do it over Skype. It’s the next best thing to a phone call – even better, actually, because they will be able to see the seriousness in your eyes and body language.

You want to ease into this discussion gently, so start with the positives. Tell them how much you appreciate everything they’ve done for you and how great it is to have them as parents before telling them some changes need to be made. Explain your concerns using clear examples and ask that they do not interrupt you until you’ve stated your case. Then, a discussion can be had. Just stay calm and positive...and don’t get lippy! If your parents are unwilling to bend, then settle for a compromise. Surprise them by suggesting a mature settlement – even then they can't ignore that maybe you have grown up a little.

Unfortunately, I am still trying to make my parents realize I am 21 years old with two jobs, a 15-credit load and a life of my own. The progress is slow but hopefully these tips will help you make your parents realize their little boy or girl is all grown up and they no longer need to hover overhead.

In addition to being a Scholarships.com virtual intern, Michigan Tech student Kayla Herrera is a media coordinator for the Michigan Tech Youth Programs, a writer for The Daily News in Iron Mountain, Mich., and a writer for Examiner.com. She love a tantalizing, action-packed video game and can't get enough of horror movies (Stephen King's books always have her in their grip, though she prefers the old over the new). Writing is what she has always done, and that is what she is here to do.

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